The #1 Intimacy Mistake I See Every Week (And How to Fix It Before It’s Too Late)

As a therapist who’s sat with hundreds of couples (and sometimes single folks, too), I can confidently say there’s one intimacy mistake that pops up more than mismatched socks in the laundry. Drumroll, please… 🥁

The biggest intimacy killer? Lack of emotional presence.

Yep, it’s not just about the physical stuff (though that’s important too). It’s about showing up emotionally, really being there when you’re with your partner.

Here’s what that looks like and why it matters:

• Scrolling through your phone during “quality time.”

If your thumbs get more face-time than your partner, you’re basically dating your screen.

Pro tip: put the phone down, eye contact > emoji reactions.

• Assuming your partner “just knows” how you feel.

Spoiler alert: telepathy isn’t a real thing. Sharing your feelings (even the messy ones) builds closeness, not distance.

• Avoiding tough conversations like they’re a dentist appointment.

Intimacy grows in the soil of vulnerability, not in the comfort zone of silence. It’s okay to get uncomfortable, it’s how you grow together.

• Ignoring small moments of connection.

Intimacy isn’t just grand gestures. It’s the quick “how was your day?” check-ins, the shared laughs, the inside jokes that make you snort-laugh in public.

So, how do you fix this?

1. Be present, not just physically but emotionally. Set aside distraction-free time, even 10 minutes counts.

2. Practice active listening. Repeat back what you hear (without judgment) and ask follow-up questions.

3. Share your feelings regularly. Even if it feels awkward, your partner will appreciate the effort.

4. Laugh together. Never underestimate the power of humor to break down walls.

Remember: intimacy isn’t perfect. It’s messy, loud, silly, and sometimes awkward. But showing up? That’s the real magic.

If you’re ready to upgrade your connection game, start with presence. Your relationship (and your socks) will thank you.

By Dayana Sofea

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